Whānau and friends are often concerned about some of the risks involved with having kōrero/conversations about suicide. To help increase your confidence, here are some things to know.
Avoid kōrero that makes suicide seem like a reasonable choice
Sometimes, after someone has ended their life, people might comment that the person is “at peace”, “no longer in pain” or it being “their time”. Other times people may talk about suicide in a way that suggests it’s a logical response to tough situations, e.g., “the kids at school were mean as to him; what choice did he have?”.
Why:
When taiohi/young people hear these things, they may feel that suicide will bring peace from pain and is a natural response to challenging times. It’s important not to suggest that suicide is an appropriate way to deal with difficult situations.
Avoid speculating about why someone tried to take their life
It’s common to try to understand the ‘reason’ someone died by suicide and to look for a single cause, such as bullying or a relationship ending. Suicide is complex and a combination of different things such as; feelings, actions, circumstances and unwellness. It is never anyone’s fault.
Why:
There is no one single ‘reason’ for someone’s suicide does more harm than good. Whānau and friends of people who die by suicide can find speculation painful. It may feel like they are being blamed. Understanding and tautoko/support and guidance, not judgement is what is needed.
Avoid kōrero about methods of suicide
As much as possible avoid kōrero/talking about the way a person took their life or where they died. If taiohi/young people are already having kōrero about the method, be honest but avoid any unnecessary details. Instead focus on tautoko/support for each other and enable access to support.
Why:
When people are already thinking about suicide, hearing about a method can get them thinking “this would be a good way for me to kill myself. I know it works.”
Avoid kōrero about suicide as a selfish act or the way that it has harmed those left behind
Although anger and shame are understandable reactions to a suicide, it’s important to remember that emphasising these feelings increases the stigma, or sense of disgrace, about suicide. This can, in turn, make it difficult for whānau who have lost someone to suicide to share their feelings and can be harmful for people who have had, or are having suicidal thoughts.
Why:
Stigma around suicide often causes people to hide suicidal feelings and avoid seeking support. Also, whānau who have been bereaved may be less likely to talk about their feelings and get the tautoko/support they need. This is important because those who have recently been bereaved are at a higher risk of suicide themselves.
Avoid presenting suicide as criminal or sinful
Some religions and cultures consider suicide to be sinful or criminal. You might share these views, but when you are having kōrero about suicide with taiohi/young people, think about the impact such views could have on them.
Why:
Presenting suicide as sinful or criminal can make people less likely to reach out for help when they’re going through difficulties because they think they will be judged. Suicide is not a crime.
